Finding a Best Friend as an Adult

I'm not sure why, but the thought of best friends has been on my mind lately. Many adults have had their best friend (s) for years often through friendships formed in grade school, high school, college, and even beyond. But how do those friends become a best friend? And what happens when you lose that best friend? 

When I was little, I went to a private school, I met the girl that would be my best friend through about third grade when I was in pre-school. Her name was Jennifer. We seemed to do everything together and I have lots of pictures of us at school events with big smiles, arms around each other, and having fun. There were lots of sleepovers, birthday parties, and things we did together. By about second grade that had started to change. The summer between first and second grades, something happened between me and my classmates, and I have never been sure what. All I know is that by the third grade, I was the one everyone seemed to pick on, call names, and make fun of. Kids would come up to me, touch me, and then run touching their friends saying things like that I had given them cooties or worse AIDS. Yeah, AIDS, I have no idea where it came from but there it was in school. So Jennifer faded away and started hanging out with the other kids and we didn't spend as much time together. 

About that time, I met Amber, she was an outcast kind of like me. I think kids didn't like her because she was very different. She squeaked, constantly was twitching, and always turning. I never saw her as anything but a friend, she and I were friends until she left the school, I think. My memory of those years is starting to fade somewhat. As an adult, I often wondered if she had turrets as many of the things she did were similar to things I read about children with the affliction. But Amber and I were never as close as Jennifer and I were. 

Junior high, I was pretty much a loner. I had a core group of friends, but none that I remember considering a best friend. At least by then the name calling and bullying had stopped. It made interacting with my fellow students easier. I'm not sure what I did during those two years except take typing and photography classes as my electives. 

When it came time to think about high school, I wanted to go to a private school. I'm not sure how many of my junior high classmates took the entrance exam to Catholic school, but I know there were quite a few. I was the only girl from my junior high class to attend the high school I selected. A fresh start, a new opportunity to meet new people, and make new friends.

My first friend in high school that was a really good friend was Dominique. She and I got dropped off at generally the same time in the morning, which was early, so we had lots of time to talk and get to know each other. I met the girl who would become my best friend through high school and for some time beyond when I was a sophomore and she was a freshman. I had many good friends in high school, but I always called her my best friend. I felt I could tell her everything because she understood me and it was easy to talk to her. She was my sponsor when I went through the RCIA to convert to the Catholic church after my boyfriend who was dropped me. She was always there for me and I was there for her. That all changed a few years ago.

I got married five years ago and she was my maid of honor, because that's what I had always planned, she was my best friend, and we were going to be friends forever. That's what I thought. She and my sorority sister helped out so much with my wedding, it wouldn't have happened without them. I was stressed, but trying to hold it together as it came down to the big day. My wedding day went off without a hitch, well except for a couple of decisions that were made that I now regret, but overall, it was perfect. My best friend was my made of honor and I was blessed that my sorority big sister was our officiant. Two very important people to me. The day after turned out to be not so great. 

My husband and I returned to get everything from her house, which is where the wedding was held. She and my sorority sister had already started cleaning up and doing stuff when we arrived. I was tired and not very enthusiastic of being there the day after. I had asked for help to take stuff out to the car including wedding gifts, left over favors, and anything else that we were keeping. Instead of helping, she was busy putting flowers into vases that were left over and that I didn't really want. In the process of taking things out to the car, I dropped a bag and heard a crash, things were broken, and I saw red. I stormed into the house angry and we had a fight. When Tony heard things and came in I left. He came out and told me I was being childish (which was true) and that I should apologize. I did, finished packing up the car, said my goodbyes, and left. I thought that everything was OK. It wasn't. It took me a while to get the hint, but I got it, she didn't want to talk to me anymore, we were no longer best friends. I hadn't seen or spoken to her after that day until about two years ago, when I was in a restaurant in Santa Barbara and she walked right past me. I touched her arm and said hi, and all she did was look down at me like she didn't know who I was and told me that she was there for a work party and didn't have time to talk. That was the last time I saw her. I lost her the day after my wedding and I think at the same time I lost my big sister from sorority as over the years she has faded and we no longer talk or see each other. I think it might be because of the same fight. 

This July that will have been 6 years ago. Since then I haven't really had what I would call a best friend. I have close friends, but not a best friend. And maybe it is my definition of what I think a best friend is, but also possibly because I don't feel that kind of connection with anyone. I don't want all my close friends to get upset, they all mean so much to me, but I miss having a best friend. I miss having someone that I could call on a boring day and say lets do something and we do. Or someone to go out and have dinner with, someone that's willing to see the movies that Tony won't. I miss having a friend that I feel comfortable confiding in that won't use it against me later (that's another issue that arose after the fight). But how as an adult do I find that person? The one that I can give this lame title best friend to?

As an adult, if that bond isn't there, I think it is harder. Many of my friends are married and have children. And many of my friends have had their best friend for years already. I'm also busier now then when I was a student. Building that relationship takes more work. I'm fortunate to have has many friends as I do, even if we don't talk or see each other often. Indeed some of my girl friends I see once a year at convention because we became friends through our belong to the same insurance industry association. I just miss having that best friend who I could call and have be there for me at an instant if necessary.  But how do I find that relationship? Build that bond? It seems ridiculous sometimes, but like I said, its been on my mind. I thought I would throw it out there to the world and universe to see what happens. 

Thanks for reading the ramble, because truly, I rambled.

Laziness or Fear No One Really Cares

Looking at my history, it has been over a month since I wrote a new post. I can't figure out if it is just plain laziness on my end or the idea that no one really cares what I write on my blog since I share so much of it on Facebook. Perhaps even a bit of both. Either way, here's another, maybe not so epic, post on my blog. 

Let's start with the job. It is going great and I have officially been there 90 days now. I once again have medical, dental, and vision insurance. I have the ability to invest in a 401(k). It is good to be a producing member of society. Can't go wrong there, really, working for me is so important. I'm happy with my job, my coworkers, and my mentors. It is going to be a good place for me. 

Movies, I've seen a few both in the theater and at home. I probably can't remember the ones I've watched at home except for Hellraiser, and I still don't quite understand the fascination with Pinhead since he isn't in the movie for very long. But those things in general, Cenobites, are just fucking scary and weird. At the theater, I've seen The Other Woman, Godzilla, and The Grand Budapest Hotel. 

The Other Woman was a bit surprising as the movie wasn't what I expected it to be and found myself teary eyed at one point. To me it is a story about what brings women together and the friendship bonds that develop even in the worst circumstances. Also men beware if you have any idea to cheat on your wife with an attorney and a swimsuit model. Because the attorney will get the other two in line and the three of them will become your worst nightmare. 

I got to see Godzilla on Thursday night, a day before it opened, at 8 pm. Talk about a great time. I can't remember the last time I saw a new movie on opening weekend. It has been that long. I loved this though. I admit I'm not familiar with the comic books or early movies, so this was a fresh, brand new, out of the package experience for me. The story was good, the special effects were good, the movie in whole was fantastic. At one point you see the female Muto's egg sack as she walks over a train truss and it was just an amazing special effect with the glowing and movement. Precision computer graphics. Godzilla isn't a monster so much as he is a paleolithic peace keeper. Once the situation with the Mutos was fixed, he went back into the depths of the water. The designers did a fantastic job with his facial expressions, his eyes showed so much depth and emotion, I wanted to have him for a pet. 

Last night, Tony and I went to see The Grand Budapest Hotel at Arclight. It was great to still find it playing in a theater since it has been out so long, but the ticket guy at the theater says they still manage to sell out the two shows they have. That was no lie, we ended up sitting in the third row of the movie theater. There were moments of humor, drama, and sadness in the film. The overall tone was reverie Zero has for his mentor, the love of his life, and the adventures he had. The scenery and set decoration were amazing from whimsical to grand scale audacity. If you haven't seen it, and chances are good you haven't, I recommend you check it out. It has something for everyone in it I think. 

In recent weeks, Tony and I have taken in a stray kitten. A lady I work with had it at her home and wanted to find a home for him. He's a bundle of energy right now which is keeping all the dogs and the other two cats on their toes. But he's adorable. So far his eyes are blue and I hope they will stay blue. His body is white except for the tan and grey patches he has. His tail is black. He looks like a cat that was cobbled together from various bits and pieces. We have been calling him Sinatra, but I think that may change, we are finding it cumbersome to say and it really is too much for a cat name. Plus if his eyes change from blue the name doesn't make sense. He goes to the vet for the first time Tuesday so we'll see what she says. 

That's been it for the last month. Exciting or not it is what I have been up to. I'm hoping to stay with this regardless of who does or doesn't read it. I find that I like Facebook and to some degree Instagram, but I've grown tired of Twitter. Life continues on its complicated path to the next day and we'll see what it brings. 

Oculus - A Surprise in Horror (May Contain Spoilers)

I got up yesterday morning and checked the time. 9:30 am, still early I thought, more I think hoped. Checked my cell phone, went to my apps, and pulled by the AMC app. I had checked it previously in the middle of the night, but couldn't remember what time the movie started. Was it 9:50 am or 10:50 am? The AMC app finally comes up and I check, 10:50 am, enough time to get up and go see the movie Oculus. 

I had seen a trailer for the film on IMDb, then started seeing the usual bus stop ads, billboards, and a few commercials on TV. It looked like a good movie, certainly had to be better than Devil's Due, at least I hoped. My scary movie experience in January was rather disappointing. But it had recently been redeemed when I finally saw Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter. That movie was pretty tame and I only screamed out loud once, scaring everything in site with my shriek. 


Oculus didn't produce any loud shrieks but it did make me squeamish. This isn't a blood and gore movie, it's a cerebral movie, it makes you think, and scares you in the process. The film takes place in two realms, current time and 11 years prior. While the film slowly descends into the two worlds, the momentum begins to collide them and when we see Kaylie and Tim they are interacting with each other as they were 11 years ago and as they are now in their 20s. You could get lost if you don't keep up because you will at some point find yourself going, wait, what just happened there. 

The acting from everyone is amazing! Some will recognize Katee Sackhoff who was on Battlestar Galactica and has appeared on a couple of episodes of Big Bang Theory. Karen Gillan from Doctor Who, does an incredible job as Kaylie. The two younger actors playing Kaylie and Tim as children are phenomenal. I was just honestly blown away by everyone including the two other stars Brenton Thwaites and Rory Cochrane. 

The story centers around a mirror that is known as the Lasser glass and the haunted history that follows it over the years. It has been in areas of strange deaths including one owner who was found dead from dehydration in a bath tub full of water. Seriously some creepy deaths have occurred where the mirror has been present. The mirror is alive, it defends itself from attack, and people in the vicinity don't realize what they are doing. A great instance of this occurs when Kaylie and Tim are in their old house and being video taped during their night with the mirror. The glass controls the environment and people around it with dismissal consequences. 

I enjoyed this film very much. It was a surprise as I went in thinking it would be a bit silly. So if I can change your mind to see it, I recommend you see you it. If you want to wait until it hits Netflix or Redbox, that's cool too. This is one of those movies, that while it is enjoyable, can wait if you don't want to spend the money on a big theater. I did just learn yesterday that the first movie at AMC is no longer $6 but is $7.50. It was cheaper to get in then it was for the popcorn, drinks, and red vines which was around $22. Sometimes a movie at home is better then one out in the theater. 

Getting Back to the Letters

Since starting work on February 10, my personal life took a big dip. No longer was I sitting at home with a ton of free time on my hands. What I did with my free time varied day to day, but I had lots of time to sit and write letters and postcards. Getting back to work meant less time for something I enjoy doing. 

My letter writing wasn't the only thing, but it seems to have had a big impact on me. I have fallen behind on replying to letters and cards from A Month of Letters challenge, and I was doing so well. I know that my recipients are patient so getting something at any time is good. We all share the same passion for receiving a real piece of mail with a stamp and processed through the mail system. I even got some cards and letters from other countries and the stamps are amazing. 

Slowly but surely I'm getting back to my letter writing. I sent three postcards this week for Postcrossing. If you aren't familiar with Postcrossing you should check out their website, www.postcrossing.com. It is a really neat way to "see" the world. I get awesome cards and stamps from all over and it is neat. 

With this said, I'm going to hit my letter writing desk and get out some more mail. I have a fondness for the USPS and stamps. 

It's Been Awhile

After an extensive discussion with Tony on the word "awhile" and "it's" I can now start my actual blog post. 

I noticed that I haven't posted since February 18, that's over a month ago. Where have I been?! What have I done?! Well simply, not too much.

I started my new job on February 10. It feels good to be working again. I'm happy and enjoying my job. I like all the people I work with, but then again, I have known many of them for a long time. I'm back working at an insurance agency that I worked at when I first got out of high school for two years. So starting back to work was like going to a second home that has just been waiting for me to return. I'm happy, relaxed, and able to be myself. That's all good stuff.

Sometime in the last few weeks, Tony and I went out to a movie. Arclight is once again showing old films (by old I mean anything that isn't a current release). I got to see Blue Velvet and I can honestly say I loved it. The story was interesting, the characters were all fascinating, and I just enjoy the twisted David Lynch. For a few days after I was telling anyone and everyone about my experience because that's truly what it was, an experience.

I haven't been keeping up with my reading as much as I would like, but maybe I can get back into the swing of things. Starting work threw me for a loop on a lot of my usual activities. Even my letter writing has taken a hit. My blog took it the worst as you can tell. But it is all about adapting and then things will fall back into a normal pattern.

What else? I passed my second CIC class that I took at the beginning of February. I have three left to complete for the designation. I'm hoping to take another one this fall on commercial casualty. I work with that on a daily basis so a class on it should prove interesting and challenging. 

I guess the last thing was that I went to the IBA I-Day in Los Angeles, well Universal City. It was a great day and I got to  meet many new people and see old friends. The highlight of the  day was the keynote speaker at lunch, Steve Garvey. He  shared personal stories of his time as a youngster and getting  to meet such Dodgers legends as Jackie Robinson and Roy Campanella. Being a bat boy when they played ball in his  hometown in Florida. His growing up and rise to being signed  by the Dodgers. The message that I got was to always be  positive and focus on the goal. Afterwards he stayed to sign  autographs and take pictures. I have my autographed photo up  on my cubicle at work. That was definitely a great day for me. 

 I lied that wasn't it. I also got a  new tattoo, bringing my total  count to nine. It is a tribute to my  parents. It has the state flowers f  for California (my mom's birth  state) and South Carolina (my    dad's birth state). The flowers are tied to together with a purple bow (purple is my favorite color) and the ends of the ribbon say Mom and Dad. I love it. It hurt like hell in some spots, but as always the end result is so worth the pain. 

My new tattoo. 

The Greatest Invention . . .

Yesterday while I sat home enjoying my day off from work (hooray for having a job) I watched a lot of TV. Then something hit me, in a small way, I've inherited a part of my maternal grandpa, Chris. I love my grandpa in many ways including all the time when I was little and I would sit watching TV with him. Mostly I remember watching a lot of M*A*S*H but I'm sure there were other shows.

The first TV I remember my grandpa having was the kind with bunny ears and a manual dial. It looked kind of like this one. I would jump up and change the channel when he asked but most the time he was doing the changing of the channel and then adjusting the antennae to make the picture come in better. It was better then what I'm sure he had when he was little and it was cutting edge when I was a kid. But like everything else, new technology came and changed how people would watch TV. This technology would be, in my opinion, the greatest invention for my grandpa Chris.

Before I tell you about this great, ground breaking invention, you have to understand something about grandpa. From a young age I remember him watching TV and always telling certain commercials to be quiet or simply he would say shut up. It wasn't every commercial but there was one very specific one I remember. Do you remember when there was a supermarket called Lucky? Stephanie Edwards did those commercials, and if you don't remember or have never heard of the chain, Edwards also has done commentary for the Rose Parade for I don't know how many years. My grandpa couldn't stand her or her voice.

The ground breaking invention that I think was the greatest thing for my grandpa . . . the remote control.

One button alone is what I think saved my grandpa's sanity anytime Stephanie Edwards came on the TV, the mute button. Once he got his first TV with a remote he could shut the Lucky's lady up anytime he wanted to. Of course he always added a good shut up to her as he would push the mute button.

Yesterday, I realized that I have taken up the mantel and continue his legacy. My remote control might be more advanced and have way too many buttons, but it still has a mute button. I used it a lot yesterday to quiet many annoying ads that I just can't tolerate anymore. The first time I did it I realized that grandpa had left his mark on me and taught me how to use the mute button really well.









Sacré Bleu: A Comedy d'Art by Christopher Moore

I picked up this book because I enjoy Christopher Moore, but this was unlike any other book of his I have read. I found myself lost in the world he created, enjoying a small part of France that felt so real (and probably is if I knew anything about French geography).

The characters were interesting and kept evolving once you thought you knew them. Even more interesting was his use of real painters as characters in this novel. Supplemented with pictures of actual artwork, it sparked my curiosity to look for more. I cared about Lucien, Juliette, and everyone else, finding out what was happening to them was just as important to me as them. There's a love story even buried within the words that is truly magical.

Then there's the blue. In the author's notes at the back of the book Moore states that he set out to write a book about the color blue. In my opinion he did that and more. The fascination with the Colorman's specific blue is what leads all these painters to him, with the assistance of the muse Bleu (to tell you about the muse would give too much away).

The color blue comes to life and carries its own life force. It dates back in the novel to the times of the cave paintings, to the Picts using it for battle, the glassworkers using it for stained glass in the beautiful cathedrals that are known for such work, and finally to the painters that give it new life in their artwork. Blue is a living character in Moore's book with such an interesting past it delves you into finding out about its future.

This is a book I would read again. Having read it once, reading it again would allow me to look at things that happen differently and see the little bits of information I missed along the away originally. It is a well-crafted story with a fury of emotions running through it. Yes, I definitely will be reading it again in the future.