Finding a Best Friend as an Adult

I'm not sure why, but the thought of best friends has been on my mind lately. Many adults have had their best friend (s) for years often through friendships formed in grade school, high school, college, and even beyond. But how do those friends become a best friend? And what happens when you lose that best friend? 

When I was little, I went to a private school, I met the girl that would be my best friend through about third grade when I was in pre-school. Her name was Jennifer. We seemed to do everything together and I have lots of pictures of us at school events with big smiles, arms around each other, and having fun. There were lots of sleepovers, birthday parties, and things we did together. By about second grade that had started to change. The summer between first and second grades, something happened between me and my classmates, and I have never been sure what. All I know is that by the third grade, I was the one everyone seemed to pick on, call names, and make fun of. Kids would come up to me, touch me, and then run touching their friends saying things like that I had given them cooties or worse AIDS. Yeah, AIDS, I have no idea where it came from but there it was in school. So Jennifer faded away and started hanging out with the other kids and we didn't spend as much time together. 

About that time, I met Amber, she was an outcast kind of like me. I think kids didn't like her because she was very different. She squeaked, constantly was twitching, and always turning. I never saw her as anything but a friend, she and I were friends until she left the school, I think. My memory of those years is starting to fade somewhat. As an adult, I often wondered if she had turrets as many of the things she did were similar to things I read about children with the affliction. But Amber and I were never as close as Jennifer and I were. 

Junior high, I was pretty much a loner. I had a core group of friends, but none that I remember considering a best friend. At least by then the name calling and bullying had stopped. It made interacting with my fellow students easier. I'm not sure what I did during those two years except take typing and photography classes as my electives. 

When it came time to think about high school, I wanted to go to a private school. I'm not sure how many of my junior high classmates took the entrance exam to Catholic school, but I know there were quite a few. I was the only girl from my junior high class to attend the high school I selected. A fresh start, a new opportunity to meet new people, and make new friends.

My first friend in high school that was a really good friend was Dominique. She and I got dropped off at generally the same time in the morning, which was early, so we had lots of time to talk and get to know each other. I met the girl who would become my best friend through high school and for some time beyond when I was a sophomore and she was a freshman. I had many good friends in high school, but I always called her my best friend. I felt I could tell her everything because she understood me and it was easy to talk to her. She was my sponsor when I went through the RCIA to convert to the Catholic church after my boyfriend who was dropped me. She was always there for me and I was there for her. That all changed a few years ago.

I got married five years ago and she was my maid of honor, because that's what I had always planned, she was my best friend, and we were going to be friends forever. That's what I thought. She and my sorority sister helped out so much with my wedding, it wouldn't have happened without them. I was stressed, but trying to hold it together as it came down to the big day. My wedding day went off without a hitch, well except for a couple of decisions that were made that I now regret, but overall, it was perfect. My best friend was my made of honor and I was blessed that my sorority big sister was our officiant. Two very important people to me. The day after turned out to be not so great. 

My husband and I returned to get everything from her house, which is where the wedding was held. She and my sorority sister had already started cleaning up and doing stuff when we arrived. I was tired and not very enthusiastic of being there the day after. I had asked for help to take stuff out to the car including wedding gifts, left over favors, and anything else that we were keeping. Instead of helping, she was busy putting flowers into vases that were left over and that I didn't really want. In the process of taking things out to the car, I dropped a bag and heard a crash, things were broken, and I saw red. I stormed into the house angry and we had a fight. When Tony heard things and came in I left. He came out and told me I was being childish (which was true) and that I should apologize. I did, finished packing up the car, said my goodbyes, and left. I thought that everything was OK. It wasn't. It took me a while to get the hint, but I got it, she didn't want to talk to me anymore, we were no longer best friends. I hadn't seen or spoken to her after that day until about two years ago, when I was in a restaurant in Santa Barbara and she walked right past me. I touched her arm and said hi, and all she did was look down at me like she didn't know who I was and told me that she was there for a work party and didn't have time to talk. That was the last time I saw her. I lost her the day after my wedding and I think at the same time I lost my big sister from sorority as over the years she has faded and we no longer talk or see each other. I think it might be because of the same fight. 

This July that will have been 6 years ago. Since then I haven't really had what I would call a best friend. I have close friends, but not a best friend. And maybe it is my definition of what I think a best friend is, but also possibly because I don't feel that kind of connection with anyone. I don't want all my close friends to get upset, they all mean so much to me, but I miss having a best friend. I miss having someone that I could call on a boring day and say lets do something and we do. Or someone to go out and have dinner with, someone that's willing to see the movies that Tony won't. I miss having a friend that I feel comfortable confiding in that won't use it against me later (that's another issue that arose after the fight). But how as an adult do I find that person? The one that I can give this lame title best friend to?

As an adult, if that bond isn't there, I think it is harder. Many of my friends are married and have children. And many of my friends have had their best friend for years already. I'm also busier now then when I was a student. Building that relationship takes more work. I'm fortunate to have has many friends as I do, even if we don't talk or see each other often. Indeed some of my girl friends I see once a year at convention because we became friends through our belong to the same insurance industry association. I just miss having that best friend who I could call and have be there for me at an instant if necessary.  But how do I find that relationship? Build that bond? It seems ridiculous sometimes, but like I said, its been on my mind. I thought I would throw it out there to the world and universe to see what happens. 

Thanks for reading the ramble, because truly, I rambled.

Laziness or Fear No One Really Cares

Looking at my history, it has been over a month since I wrote a new post. I can't figure out if it is just plain laziness on my end or the idea that no one really cares what I write on my blog since I share so much of it on Facebook. Perhaps even a bit of both. Either way, here's another, maybe not so epic, post on my blog. 

Let's start with the job. It is going great and I have officially been there 90 days now. I once again have medical, dental, and vision insurance. I have the ability to invest in a 401(k). It is good to be a producing member of society. Can't go wrong there, really, working for me is so important. I'm happy with my job, my coworkers, and my mentors. It is going to be a good place for me. 

Movies, I've seen a few both in the theater and at home. I probably can't remember the ones I've watched at home except for Hellraiser, and I still don't quite understand the fascination with Pinhead since he isn't in the movie for very long. But those things in general, Cenobites, are just fucking scary and weird. At the theater, I've seen The Other Woman, Godzilla, and The Grand Budapest Hotel. 

The Other Woman was a bit surprising as the movie wasn't what I expected it to be and found myself teary eyed at one point. To me it is a story about what brings women together and the friendship bonds that develop even in the worst circumstances. Also men beware if you have any idea to cheat on your wife with an attorney and a swimsuit model. Because the attorney will get the other two in line and the three of them will become your worst nightmare. 

I got to see Godzilla on Thursday night, a day before it opened, at 8 pm. Talk about a great time. I can't remember the last time I saw a new movie on opening weekend. It has been that long. I loved this though. I admit I'm not familiar with the comic books or early movies, so this was a fresh, brand new, out of the package experience for me. The story was good, the special effects were good, the movie in whole was fantastic. At one point you see the female Muto's egg sack as she walks over a train truss and it was just an amazing special effect with the glowing and movement. Precision computer graphics. Godzilla isn't a monster so much as he is a paleolithic peace keeper. Once the situation with the Mutos was fixed, he went back into the depths of the water. The designers did a fantastic job with his facial expressions, his eyes showed so much depth and emotion, I wanted to have him for a pet. 

Last night, Tony and I went to see The Grand Budapest Hotel at Arclight. It was great to still find it playing in a theater since it has been out so long, but the ticket guy at the theater says they still manage to sell out the two shows they have. That was no lie, we ended up sitting in the third row of the movie theater. There were moments of humor, drama, and sadness in the film. The overall tone was reverie Zero has for his mentor, the love of his life, and the adventures he had. The scenery and set decoration were amazing from whimsical to grand scale audacity. If you haven't seen it, and chances are good you haven't, I recommend you check it out. It has something for everyone in it I think. 

In recent weeks, Tony and I have taken in a stray kitten. A lady I work with had it at her home and wanted to find a home for him. He's a bundle of energy right now which is keeping all the dogs and the other two cats on their toes. But he's adorable. So far his eyes are blue and I hope they will stay blue. His body is white except for the tan and grey patches he has. His tail is black. He looks like a cat that was cobbled together from various bits and pieces. We have been calling him Sinatra, but I think that may change, we are finding it cumbersome to say and it really is too much for a cat name. Plus if his eyes change from blue the name doesn't make sense. He goes to the vet for the first time Tuesday so we'll see what she says. 

That's been it for the last month. Exciting or not it is what I have been up to. I'm hoping to stay with this regardless of who does or doesn't read it. I find that I like Facebook and to some degree Instagram, but I've grown tired of Twitter. Life continues on its complicated path to the next day and we'll see what it brings.