I Love the Smell of Napalm, No Wait, Cat Poop, In the Morning

Nothing can wake you from a good sleep like the smell of cat poop. Well maybe not your cat's poop if you have a cat; but my cat, Cleo, her poop will wake you from a dead sleep if it reaches your nostrils. I'm serious, it is that deadly.

I have no idea or clue why it is so vile smelling. She eats the same food as the other cat. Then again she also partakes in a snack of dog food every once in a while. It makes me wonder what she has going on that's so different that it stinks.

This problem didn't just begin, her crap has stank ever since the day she came home from the humane society. She is a very special cat in this respect. I have never had one that had stinky poop like she does.

I will continue to live with the stinky poop because Cleo is an angel and I love her so much. My nose hair may not agree with my thoughts, but I think that will be fine.

This is the stink pot herself, Cleo.

'Twas the Risky Night Before Christmas…an Insurance Holiday Tale

I have worked in the insurance industry for fifteen years and this time of year we seem to always see this little story come around. It is an insurance professionals insight into Santa's operations and what we need to be on the look out for. I hope you will enjoy it for the humor even if you don't understand all the insurance jargon. Please note, I did not write this and reading through it I think words might have been omitted from the original text, but either way it is a funny read. ---Spaz

‘Twas the night before Christmas (12:01 a.m. 12/25) and all through the house (single family, joisted masonry, extended coverage 3, territory 44, protection class 5), not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse (thorough pride of ownership and excellent maintenance).

The (flame-retardant) stockings were hung by the (contractor-installed?) chimney with care, in hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there (check protective safeguard discount — application lists deadbolt locks and central station alarm system).

The children (ages 4, 8, 14, & 16) were all nestled snug in their beds (check MVR on 16-year-old) while visions of sugar plums danced in their heads (check for drug use; possible malfunctioning furnace/CO poisoning issue).

Ma in her kerchief (scheduled heirloom) and I in my cap (wearing headgear to bed? possible inadequate heating system) had just settled down for a long winter’s nap. (Check employment — is insured sleeping all day?)

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter (check into condition of premises, housekeeping, etc.), I jumped out of bed to see what was the matter.

Away to the window I flew like a flash, threw back the curtains and tore open the sash (intentional destructive act, no coverage; also, appears insured only wearing a cap in front of uncovered window — possible emotional distress claim by neighbors).

When what to my wondrous eyes should appear, but a miniature sleigh and eight tiny reindeer. (Check if sleigh is rated business use and corporate owned.) With a little old driver so lively and quick, I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick. (Notify life underwriting, order medical on 600-year-old driver).

More rapid than eagles (check MVR for speeding violations) his coursers they came and he whistled and shouted and called them by name (possible aggressive driver).

Now Dasher (turbo equipped?), now Dancer (classic?), now Prancer (check occupation), now Vixen (definitely check occupation), on Comet (possible muscle deer), on Cupid (check credit score), on Donner (4×4) and Blitzen (possible drinking problem?).

To the top of the porch, to the top of the wall (check for structural damage; also look into height exposures), now dash away, dash away, dash away all (old man climbing walls either in great shape or overly medicated).

So up to the housetop his coursers they flew, with a sleigh full of toys and Saint Nicholas, too. (Check for possible retail delivery or livery classification of autos). And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof, the prancing and pawing of each little hoof. (Check for shingle damage; also classification of operations—roofing is a prohibited class).

As I drew in my head and was turning around, down the chimney he came with a bound (comp neg for using unusual ingress).

He was dressed all in fur (scheduled items) from his head to his foot, and his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot. (Part-time job as firefighter?)

A bundle of toys he had flung on his back. (Check to see if insured has safety committee; check lifting training). His eyes how they twinkled, his dimples how merry, his cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry (order updated medical report, possible drinking and/or drug abuse).

The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth (ineligible for nonsmoker discount) and the smoke encircled his head like a wreath (check batteries in smoke detectors to make sure operational).

He was chubby and plump a right jolly elf (overweight for height) and I laughed when I saw him in spite of myself. A wink of his eye and a nod of his head soon gave me reason I had nothing to dread (Stranger enters past alarm and insured not worried? Sounds suspicious.)

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work, and filled all the stocking, then turned with a jerk (review workplace for ergonomic compliance).

And laying his finger aside of his nose (obscene gesture?), and giving a nod, up the chimney he rose. (Check operations, chimney sweeps are prohibited classification, look into GL PD deductible.)

He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle, and away they all flew like the down of a thistle (not likely with fat man and sleigh full of toys. Check GVW for proper classification, light/service/local seems unlikely).

And I heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight, “Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!” (Check hours of operation; 24-hour service operations prohibited. Also check into seasonal nature of business.)

NOTE: ORDER NEW LOSS CONTROL REPORT.  DIARY FOR 07/01/14 TO DISCUSS WITH AGENT.

– Source Unknown

Sisters, Sisters . . . (Warning there are spoilers about the movie Frozen in here)

I've been meaning to write for a few days, and I'm just settled in to do it. I'm going to get to my main topic of sisters in a minute, but first I have to share the craziest dream, kind of more like nightmare, I had earlier in the week.

What made it so strange was it could actually happen, at least I think I can. My dream involved myself and Tony, we were on vacation somewhere and hanging out at a beach around sunset. We were sitting in a shaded spot just watching the waves and enjoying the scenery. Slowly the waves started getting larger and encroaching on the shore, people close to the water started moving up to get away. As we sat there and watched, it became obvious that we were going to need to move too despite being far up on the shore. However we came to that conclusion a little too late, because we got hit by a wave. We got up and started walking up further inland, mind you I have no idea where exactly we are so I can only assume we walked further inland as that makes the most sense. But we couldn't escape the water. We took to running and I got ahead of Tony who got trapped in another wave, but managed to stay on his feet. I kept moving ahead assuming he would catch up because he always caught up to me and then I felt the mist of water hitting me. Eventually I stopped to turn around because I thought I was safe where I was and Tony was nowhere to be seen. There was just water covering everything, buildings were immersed, and only a few people stood around where I was. I started screaming but then that woke me up. I quickly reached over to make sure Tony was still next to me and he was. I apparently woke him up and he asked if I was OK. I told him that I wasn't and asked if he would snuggle with me to make me feel better. I told him a brief overview of what I had just dreamt and that it was scary for me because I can't imagine not being with him. It was a horrible dream, but thank goodness it was only that, a dream.

Now for the sisters piece of my entry. Because well I have a cool sister. For as long as I can remember we have always enjoyed the part in White Christmas where sisters Betty and Judy Haynes (played by Rosemary Clooney and Vera-Ellen respectively although Vera-Ellen was dubbed by Trudy Stevens for singing) sing Sisters. 

 

 

 

I remember this so fondly that when I got married, I had part of the lyrics embroidered on my sisters handkerchief that I gave her as a gift. We tend to hum it in each others presence and enjoy singing random parts. While the song is cute, the relationship that Betty and Judy have is common, the older sister looking out for the younger sister. My sister is no exception as she is constantly looking out for me and protecting me. She always has ever since I was little.

 

On Tuesday, my fabulous sister treated me to a movie and we went and saw Frozen.  I didn't know much about the movie except from the preview I saw with the snowman and the reindeer, which is all it took to make me want to see the movie.  The film's story is about two sisters, one older and one younger, and their relationship. The older sister, Elsa, however is born with an ability that after an incident with her younger sister, Anna, is basically put into hiding to protect Anna and the rest of the people in the kingdom. Anna doesn't understand why Elsa no longer wants to play or do anything with her and what ensues is a fabulous song called Do You Want to Build a Snowman that helps to show the passage of time.

 

As is customary with many Disney films, their parents die, and they are left to themselves. When Elsa reaches the appropriate age, she is going to be made queen. There is a big coronation ceremony planned and for the first time in years the castle gates are going to be open and there's going to be a ball. Anna is just so excited because she has felt like a prisoner and Elsa could be less thrilled because she just wants to protect her secret. Well one thing leads to another and Anna is so pushy, as many a little sisters are, and Elsa's secret is revealed to everyone at the ball. Elsa runs away and Anna sets out to find her and make things right.

 

When Anna finds her sister they have another argument. Anna wants Elsa to come back and Elsa just wants to hide. During the fight Anna is struck with ice right into her heart by Elsa. This just confirms to Elsa she has to stay away. Anna leaves but is damaged and is getting colder. Anna had help finding her sister from Kristoff, a young man who was raised by trolls or as he calls them, the love experts. He rushes Anna to the trolls to see what can be done to save Anna. While that's happening another party has set off to find Anna and instead find Elsa and drag her back as a prisoner to her kingdom. The grandpa troll informs Kristoff that the only thing that can heal Anna is an act of true love. Kristoff once again takes Anna and rushes to the kingdom to get her to this prince she's been going on and on about.

 

Well once everyone is at the kingdom we find out who the real villain of the film is and I must say I was shocked. They did a good job convincing you it would be one character and it is another. Either way, Anna is left to die while her sister is being held as a prisoner. Then comes Olaf the wise cracking snowman that has been around for comedy relief to help Anna, he lights the fire in the fireplace and helps Anna to get close to try and stay warm, while he melts. He didn't know that he would melt but he doesn't care. As they sit there trying to figure out an act of true love, Kristoff turns around to see a terrible snow storm circling the kingdom and rushes back to help. Elsa has escaped her prison and is trying to run away but her emotions are causing the severe storm.

 

As the movie reaches the climax and finish, Kristoff, Anna, and Elsa are all out on the sea which is now all ice. Kristoff is looking for Anna, Anna for Kristoff, but then Anna sees Elsa in danger from the villain who is looking to kill her as a way to end the freeze. Anna gives up her search for Kristoff and instead goes to rescue her sister by putting herself in between the sword and Elsa. It works, but Anna is now completely frozen. When Elsa realizes what has happened she holds Anna's frozen statue crying because once again she has hurt Anna and this time it is permanent. But slowly Anna starts to melt because that was the act of true love, she sacrificed herself for her sister. It didn't involve a man kissing her or any of that nonsense, it was the love between sisters regardless of what happens in their lives. Elsa then realizes that she can melt everything that is Frozen with love and saves the kingdom.

 

In the end the bad guys don't get away and the good guys are restored to their places and everything is happy. I laughed a lot during the film, but I was the only one, so I'm not sure if I was laughing at stuff that was supposed to be funny or that I just found funny. But I loved this movie because of the sister relationship dynamic.

 

So that is it for now. I'm not sure if I will write again before Christmas, but I will try, you know if something interesting happens. If not, I wish everyone a very merry Christmas.





Bathroom vs. Restroom

This morning as I sat on the toilet I began to ponder the difference between the words bathroom and restroom. I always use the word bathroom at home and restroom in public places. Why do two names exist for the same facility? And let's not start on all the words people use to describe the place we go to eliminate waste from our bodies.

I think the first step is to define the two words so I'm going to use my Merriam-Webster dictionary on my phone:

     Bathroom - a room containing a bathtub or shower and usually a sink and toilet

    
     Restroom - a room or suite of rooms providing toilets and lavatories

According to the dictionary, bathroom and restroom are synonyms so that explains some of the confusion.

Now let's examine the words themselves, according to the word bathroom there has to exist a shower or bathtub in the room, that makes sense, it really does. On the other hand a restroom just has potties in it. OK I'm starting to see the difference. I have a bathroom at home because it contains the needed bathtub and when I'm out in public those places don't. But the bathroom definition says, "usually a sink and toilet" so there could exist a bathroom with neither a sink or toilet and it is still a bathroom.

Restrooms however are "a room or suite" that's got nothing but potties. I've been in some super nice restrooms, the one I can best remember is the ladies restroom at the Arclight in Hollywood, that one is swanky. Of course the ones at most of the theaters, I'm talking live theater establishments, are always beautiful. Thinking on this, restrooms in high end places also have couches and chairs. It is like they are inviting you sit down and take a load off and maybe even a nap.

Well now I get it. I get why I have a bathroom at home and go to the restroom in public. I just never really thought about until this morning. I think I need to not think so much next time I'm sitting on the pot.

    

My 2013 Fantasy Football Season

For the last few years I have been involved with a fantasy football league that was started by a couple that Tony and I are friends with. The wife, V-, is always our commissioner. We have twelve teams in our league, Tony and I each have our own. It always makes football season fun in our house because we cheer for our players and at the same time cheer for our favorite team, the Seattle Seahawks.

Typically, the last few years, I have finished in the bottom 5. It would get to a point where I didn't want to play anymore so I just let my team go to waste. I never would spend time updating my team each week and just let it go. So I deserved to finish in the bottom. This year I took a different attitude to see how it would go, and it went fabulous. I clinched a playoff spot tying for fifth place, the other team had more points. We use the last few weeks of the regular season as our playoff time.

I played it smart this year, I made sure I updated my team in time for Thursday nights games. I kept track of my players, who was doing well, who wasn't, and who was out for the week or even the season. I will admit that I held onto to Darren McFadden because I didn't want to not have him if he made some amazing come back. I would search for other players based on the number of fan points they had racked up and replace as needed with the top players I could get. I hardly ever asked from help from Tony which in the past I did every time before I would even set my line-up.

I don't actually participate in the draft at the beginning of the season. I let the computer choose for me and then deal with what I get. This year I think I got fucking lucky as hell. My original drafted quarterback was Russell Wilson and boy has he performed like a stud this season. I love it, every time the Seahawks would win, Wilson would have earned over 30 - 50 points at a shot. I loved it, I was riding high on the fact I had an amazing quarterback and that he was on my favorite team. Not everyone gets that lucky.

My other regular stud muffin of my team was LeSean McCoy. He racked up over 200 points in the season for me. Last weeks game when the Lions and Eagles played in the blizzard, he got me over 50 points because they had no real choice but to run the ball. Those guys are all amazing for playing the weather they did. They made it an amazing game given the circumstances they were thrown.

To sum it up I feel fantastic of how I played my 2013 fantasy season. I like that I made a good effort to play this year and didn't just roll over when I would get on a losing streak. I held out to the very end. My record is 8-6 for the regular season.

If you read this far then you will find it funny that I just realized that I have to play this week. Apparently in the past we have only had 10 teams and this year we have 12 so the top 8 teams are the in the playoffs. So there you go, I have to keep playing. Maybe I can win this sucker after all. Fingers crossed that I win this week since right now I'm the underdog against the team I am playing.

Hold on to the hats and glasses folks I'm hoping to go all the way. Woohoo!

New Look

For the last few years I have been getting my hair done by the same stylist and I told myself I would never change. I felt lucky to have met her, she understood my hair needs, the fact I don't style my hair, I don't use a blow dryer, and I don't use products either. I found her because of a gift certificate I received to the salon she owned. It was a great working relationship and I have always enjoyed how my hair looks after I see her.

Alas, times have gotten hard for me financial wise. I can't spend $200 on a color, weave, cut, and blow dry any longer. I have to be frugal but at the same time find something of same quality and kind. I wasn't sure I would find this. I was hoping to start spending under $100 for my hair care because I can save $20 a week and pay for that.

Facebook is an amazing vehicle for reconnecting people. Over the years I've been on there I have connected with people from my grade school, junior high, high school, and even college. It has given me an opportunity to explore what the people I know have been up to and where their lives took them. For instance, I was having an issue with my vet and decided to find a new one. I put the word out and soon discovered that one my friends from high school was now a vet and local. One trip to see her and now all my pets go to her. There is a different connection when you have a history with the actual person.

That brings me to today. Someone I knew in grade school is a cosmetologist now and looking at her Facebook page I saw how amazing her work was. I sent her a message through Facebook and inquired on her pricing and how to make an appointment. Her prices are incredibly reasonable for someone like me and she was able to get me in quick. The salon she is at is charming. All the stations have old timey bureaus and the place is very unique.

We talked for about 15 minutes about my style preferences, what I actually did or didn't do with my hair, and what kind of color I wanted. I'm also in the process of growing my hair out so I need to make sure I don't look funky as it grows. We came to a decision on a color and then she gave me a baby trim and blew it dry (the only time my hair every is really styled is at the salon). During the whole process we were catching up on what has happened over the years since grammar school. It was a really fun time and I love how I look. I have also gotten a ton of great comments on it and the color and how well it plays against my skin tone. 

This is me tonight at home having Tony take pictures so I can post something. Like I said, I love it. I will get to show it off next week at Tony's work party. I'm looking forward to that event, the party is at Benihana's and I love that place. The food is so yummy. But I'm getting off topic.

When all is said and done, I'm switching stylists. I love how today went and the end product. I love that I can connect with an old school friend and enjoy my time while in her chair. I am looking forward to many more visits and the evolution of my growing hair. She may even convince me to get really wild once in awhile. Maybe.

I'm going to end here for the night. Today has been a good day and has given me some motivation for moving ahead. Tony did take a few pictures so I have to share my terrible duck lip picture which is so popular when people take pictures of themselves. You can laugh it is totally OK.

 



A Life Change & Evil Dead (2013)

I have been living a different life since about the end of August beginning of September. No one knows except Tony and my sister (the one person I felt I could tell without judgment). The only other worlds that know are a couple of community groups I have joined for support and knowledge.

Tony and I agreed to try a different lifestyle and we are enjoying many rewards from it. Our relationship is stronger and we enjoy many other benefits from the change. I think, for me, the most enjoyable benefit is meeting new and interesting people. I will think about discussing this more but for now just a quick story.

One of the people I have met enjoys scary movies. I use scary to cover anything from horror to thrillers. Those movies that make you squirm, scream, and just look for a way to cover your eyes. Last night I finally got to watch my first film with him. Of course I jumped a few times but when I went to cover my eyes, my hands were quickly pulled away and he said you have to watch otherwise you miss important stuff. So I watched the whole thing, giving up complete control of the volume, the pause button, and using my hands to cover my eyes. I survived the movie and I'm proud to say had no nightmares.

I watched the remake of Evil Dead (2013) having never seen the original film. I plan on watching the original but as of right now I can only imagine what that one is like. I had done a little reading when the remake came out about the original because of an article in Entertainment Weekly. It seemed that the remake was going to be good and was being fully supported by Bruce Campbell who was in the original film.  

I'm no movie reviewer but I will say that I really enjoyed this film. Some parts weren't all that believable and a couple of times I said that would never happen, but overall the movie had a great creepy factor. Many films like to revolve around a group of young people alone in a secluded place finding some random book that is the cause of all the terror they face. So too does this one but the reason they are there is to help a friend kick her drug habit. The ensuing action of the movie gets tense and gruesome.

You do have to pay attention, because there are certain pieces of dialogue that you have to hear in order to understand other events in the movie. One thing that was done during the credits was a voice over with information on the book that is discovered. Upon further discussion with my friend, I found out that it was from the original film and a little bit about how it played a part in that movie version. It was creepy though.

Overall I really enjoyed the movie and I can happily say that I could probably give some really detailed descriptions of what I watched, such as the conversation I had today with Tony about what happens to Mia in the thicket. Yes, that detailed. A good scary movie with plenty of moments for those that still have the reflexes to react to the things they are watching. I look forward to seeing the original and possibly the sequel too. On to the next scary flick I can find.